He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize