I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
