Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
