It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
