Nicole vs. Life
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
