We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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