True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
