ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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