If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
