do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
