So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Randomize
