I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
