he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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