When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
