May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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