haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
