i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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