How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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