Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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