this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
