Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
