Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
