I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
