the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
