Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
