Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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