did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
