she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
