i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
