nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
