next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
