Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
