oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i barfeds in our rink
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
