someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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