Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
