After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
