i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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