How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
