I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize