HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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