I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
