why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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