I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
