Cold hands, warm shart.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He? As in you personified your dick?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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