Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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