Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
