I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
