I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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