is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
