he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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