coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
