I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
