He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
