Having a random hookup so left but love u
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
