Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
sarcasm needs its own font
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
