A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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