my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
