I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
