Don't you send me to vm
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
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