So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
