It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
