its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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