This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
