yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize