i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
