You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
