My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
