She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
