Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
