Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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