i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
