dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
