so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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