somebody snuck up and got me drunk
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We are all done wearing pants today
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
