just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
