i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
No subtext here. People are naked.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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