So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
