On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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