i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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