Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
