Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
there is glitter all over my balls
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize