remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
