my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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