Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
