you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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