i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
