i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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