How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
