If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
