my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
