Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
