I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
