can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My ass is underappreciated
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
