When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
