All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
