tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
